Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize