im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
