well you can't waste a boner
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
