I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
