Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
