Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
