Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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