i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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