We need to rekindle our bromance
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
