I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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