Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
