There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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