hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
