Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Rumble strips road head = magical
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
