...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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