i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
