I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
