Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
