I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
