Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
