i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
