just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
