You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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