Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize