his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
