Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
