The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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