went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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