3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
