I want to have your abortion
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
