I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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