no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I want a musical about memes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
