How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
