dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
