1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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