Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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