the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
