you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
