I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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