Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
