Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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