trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
