so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
