I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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