I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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