Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize