none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
