I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The adults are the big ones right?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
