He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
