A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
