I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
