just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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