So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
