i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
