The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
