First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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