what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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