32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
