She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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