My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
