The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
