You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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