I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
