so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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