My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
