dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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