my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
