I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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