wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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