just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
