Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
