had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
