Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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