Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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