When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
