She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
