i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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