I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They took my balls.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
