Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
