no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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