I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
