My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
