Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
