My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
