i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
