is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
