Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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