brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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