I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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