Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
