I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize