I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
