We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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