hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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