I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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