he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
