i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
