You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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