I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
