why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
