omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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